Posted by: Abe's Blog | August 15, 2010

Space Rocket To a Better World

Through the brilliant blackness of deep space, Space Rocket 9B4 sped straight and true and silent. Captain Joe J. Farnswiggle, known affectionately to the crew as “Captan F’r”, paced circles around the tiny bridge–something he had done with such regularity that the Janitorial Brigade complained frequently at the track that was being worn through the carpeting in his path. The Captain stopped in front of the viewing screen and glanced at his antique pocket watch–a futile and obsessive action which did nothing to speed the journey that would not be completed in his lifetime. In fact, it would take two more generations of Captains before Space Rocket 9B4 reached it’s final destination: the golden planet Mulligan X.

At the sound of the bridge hatch sliding open, Captain Farnswiggle pocketed his watch and turned smartly on his heels–a nearly perfect about-face. Habitually, he snapped a sharp salute. Then, seeing that his visitor was none other than the slothful Jeffy “Jingo” Barnes, he lowered his hand in barely concealed contempt. “Captain,” said Jingo.

“Barnes,” the Captain replied, “Is there a problem?”

“Uh, no dude…I mean sir,” Jingo scratched at an itchy spot on his face and then appeared to lose track of why he had come before the mighty Captain.

“Barnes?” Captain Farnswiggle once again pulled his pocket-watch from it’s special pocket.

“Oh, uh…yeah. Some of the others were talking and, uh….” Jingo stared at the shiny pocket watch, again losing focus, “uh…ummm.”

“Talking about what?”

Jingo brightened again, “Oh, uh, they were just talking and were wondering how much longer before we get to planet Mulligan X and whatever…they made me come up to ask you…”

“Again?” Captain Farnswiggle’s face darkened.


The Captain snapped his watch shut with force, though the tiny “click” the action produced appeared to only intensify his anger–moving him from frustration to rage. He turned smartly on his shiny boots, stepped to the Main Control, and grabbed a microphone. Lifting it to his mouth, face red, he spoke with authority, “This is Captain Joe J. Farnswiggle, and I…”

Jingo interrupted him, “Uh, sir, dude, I don’t think you’re uh, you’re thingy is like not turned on…no one can hear you.”

Captain Farnswiggle glanced at Jingo, steam now venting from his ears. He hit the Intercom Transmission Enable button and grabbed the microphone again, nearly crushing it in his clenching fists. “This is Captain Joe J. Farnswiggle, and I am announcing AGAIN, for the seven hundred and eighty-fifth time, that it will take EIGHTY YEARS TO GET TO PLANET MULLIGAN X!! Most of you will be dead before we get there. In fact, most of you will be dead very soon because as soon as I put this microphone down, I will be hunting each one of you down and strangling you with my belt! If you fear for your lives, I suggest that you HIDE and that you keep your big mouths shut. Perhaps if I do not hear you for the next eighty years, you may live! But this I doubt. Captain Farnswiggle OUT!”

Jingo slithered backwards from the bridge and the hatch slid closed behind him. The Captain slowly lowered the intercom microphone, his rage subsiding as he dropped the mic into it’s holder. Turning again to the viewing screen, he gazed at the maddening stillness of the stars, then pulled his pocket watch out and snapped it open.




  1. Aaah, my Captain, my Captain!

    So fun to read! Reminds me a bit of Nathan Fillion’s character Firefly/Serenity. Brought me back….

    I await eagerly for the next installment. . .

    • I don’t think I’m familiar with that writer–I’ll have to check that out.

  2. Are we there yet? 8)

  3. Short but Schweeeet!

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