Posted by: Abe's Blog | March 29, 2010

The Secret of Flight

When I was a child, I had a recurring dream in which I discovered the secret of flight. In my dream, I would find myself soaring high above the clouds, completely weightless, completely happy. But when I realized that I was flying I would fall screaming to the ground. The strange thing about these dreams is that they continued over the span of a few years, during which time I actually learned how to fly, though rarely without falling from the sky. I am prepared to reveal the secret of flight here in this very blog. Are you ready? Get out your checkbook. Write a healthy contribution to my non-profit organization, Help Abe Get Biggity Rich, then settle back in your chair for a tasty morsel of tax-deductible truth. Are you ready now?

The secret of flight is thus: Don’t think about flying. That’s it. As I discovered in my dream, if I could subtract all thoughts of flight from my mind I would soar. But if, even for an instant, I let my mind consider the fact that I was flying, I would plummet to my dreamy death. Splat.

Now, in consideration of your most generous payment, I will offer further nuggety morsels of knowledge. Specifically, we will discuss how Abe’s Secret of Flight (US Pat. 489882) can be applied to the trials and tribulations of our every day life.

Let us first examine the technique as applied to one who is seeking a relationship. Let me first say that I am referring to actual, person-to-person encounters where one is faced with a real, live, breathing, scented, beautiful, dreamy, luscious member of the opposite sex and feels the urge to make an attempt at a connection but is afraid of the usual stammering mess one makes of one’s self in such situations. To use the Secret of Flight technique in this situation, simply clear your mind of any and all amorous thoughts (it might help to utter the mantra “oohmmmm” here), and spread your wings–metaphorically, of course.

You see, contrary to the popular “Believe it and do it” self-help theories of our day, I offer a fresh new view. “To do it, don’t think it!” Yes, amaze your friends! Surprise your neighbors! Save your marriage! No longer will you have to spank those naughty children; now you can just clear your mind and through the power of not-thought, let them magically become future leaders of the free-world while you soar high above, head skimming the stratosphere, fingers trailing in the clouds, because you’re FLYING! NO! DON’T THINK IT!! Ah…see how this works…it is harder than you thought, my friend.

Sorry. No refunds.

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Responses

  1. Nice one, Abe!

    I have long believed in “not thinking.”…In my case it is a great struggle to “not think” but I believe in it nonetheless.

    Children and animals do it quite successfully most of the time… As do professionals in sports and other trained people and animals. In this sense, I speak of training in terms of learning, not conscious thinking…

    Thinking has its place…but the importance of that place is highly overrated…my check is in the mail.

    • Thank you, Roger. I am spending your money already. 🙂

  2. Go wait by the mailbox – my cheque will be along shortly.

    I’ve had flying dreams over the years. Very sporadic and always welcome. Chiefly though it involved my trying to get off of the ground. Once up, and as long as the momentum remained, I remained aloft. Those are the best dreams.

    I think they have something to say though too. Just as you found out about not thinking things through too much (like Peter did, while walking out on the water), I’ve learned a few things too.

    Flying usually relates to freedom. Uh oh. I’m going to stop right there before I get thinking too much again. 🙂

    • Those flying dreams were always interspersed with the standard “trying to run but legs moving in slow motion hey why am I naked here” dreams. Very annoying. The flying dreams were both exhilarating and exceedingly frustrating!

      I am going to buy some hair plugs with your money. Thanks.

    • Oh, and in regards to Peter on the water–I usually start writing my blog with a title first…then I have to change the title (and sometimes most of the first half of the blog) when I go winging away in another direction. (I think you might be able to relate.) The original title of this blog was “Faith”. I…seem to have gotten off track. But your comment about Peter was interesting and it made me think about how and why I related Faith to Not Thinking. ? To me, Faith is belief in something that cannot be proven, but is it also about Not Thinking too much? Maybe…but maybe I will actually be able to write the blog. Or maybe it will turn into a blog about turtles swimming in a quiet river eating minnows who are…ah. Nuts.

      • Do I relate? Do you even have to ask? *grin*

        I do the same thing. The thing is – as soon as you type in a title, WordPress thinks that’s the one you’re going with and it applies a URL using that title. So I try and avoid titles until I’m done. Saves me having to go back and change the URL.

        I really do think we try to think too much sometimes. And, held aloft in the glory of our intellect, we can miss out on so much. Peter should *not* have been able to walk on water, you understand. The laws of physics forbade him. Yet he did.

        So what else does that mean? Well, Jesus talked about someone who has faith “as a mustard seed” being able to move mountains. Biblical scholars have relegated that to allegory status. But what if the same Jesus who told Peter to walk on water was being literal? And what about the time Jesus mentioned that some who were with him would not see death until He came again at the end? Was He being literal or was He playing with words again?

        Yes, I think we think way too much.

  3. Flying dreams have long been thought to be sexual dreams by those who interpret dreams.

    Of course, I could be out of date.

    Re Faith and not thinking…it takes a lot of faith to think and a lot of thinking to have faith. Whether that pertains to good thinking or bad thinking depends upon your faith in science.

    I love technology and science, but I am more of a Luddite and an Aries.

    • I am sure that Freud would agree with the dream interpreters. I am not sure if I was old enough to know what sex was when I had these dreams. I’m still not old enough, really.

      You’ll never be out of date, Roger. That is, until you expire.

  4. Hmm, so you’re saying “Spread your wings and her legs will follow”?

    That could work!

    • Ninja, you are overthinking it again! Clear your mind, you filthy scoundrel.


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